You haven’t showered in 4 days and feel perfectly fine with that.
You loose 2 kg when studying for your exam, and all you eat is shit.
You eat lots of sweets, fatty foods and drink soda, but you have never been skinnier.
– What the fuck btw? All that excise and salads for no fucking reason.
You find yourself crying while peeing…..
You do anything else but study, like watching baby animals on youtube and discussing politics with passion.
You spam Instagram with duck faces and narcissistic photos
You read and read…. and it still does not make any sense
You remember shit you don’t want to remember, and forget shit you have to remember
You always end up feeling like a fucking tard, because some physiological shit like parasympaticus still does not ring a fucking bell
You feel sorry for yourself.. a lot
And even though it can be pretty shitty to be a medical student, you do not feel like giving it up and giving it your middle finger.
Oh boy oh boy….
I’ve been thinking about the last couple of months. I keep going over and over with myself where it all went wrong. Wasn’t I in love? Was I just stressed out? Was I depressed? Were my needs not understood? Did I demand too much? or was is just him and did it go to fast?
I will never know and I will never know for sure what I really feel about this decision, but right now I feel there is something missing. Some kind of understanding about the whole situation. Some kind of closer.
I miss my best friend. I really fucking do. But I can’t keep loving someone who keeps telling me, that I’m the root to everything evil. Who does not understand me and my needs – that all I ever wanted was to be left alone and supported – not pressured and strangled in your opinion about how fucked I apparently am – all the time.
So now what? I really have no fucking clue.
Yasmin is currently dying of disappointment, and we don’t know when she’ll be back. But cross your fingers and hope for a miracle.
Photo Booth fail or Photo Booth good-surprise?
So apparently Apple have made something new for the market. Oh my fucking god a brand new iPad mini, you say?! “That is just to cum over” are you probably thinking. But I’m not so impressed.
Let me first tell you I’m a proud owner of a destroyed iPhone 3GS and a new MacBook Air. Two products you seriously could cum over. I could and I have, to be frank. I take all of my previous bad words back about Apple – cause they really know their shit.
But one thing that really pisses me off – pisses me off to the moon – is how stupid we are and how Apple is abusing this for their advantage. Think about it: who needs a fucking iPad MINI when there are iPhones, MacBooks and iPads on the market? Do you really – and I mean REALLY – need an iPad MINI?!?! Its fucking bigger than a brand new iPhone 5 and yet smaller than an iPad and maybe weighs 100 grams less or more, but other than that it is a completely useless product for me. I feel so fooled and so pathetic, flashing my Apple products in school when they actually just raped the world from behind by making their old ideas smaller and therefore fooling the entire world – so much, that people wait 15 hours in the fucking cold to get one while the people behind Apple sit in their 10.000 dollars offices, sipping on their fat-free-soya-macchiato and laughing at us for being so easy and stupid.
The new iPad mini ISN’T a revolutionary fucking thing. It’s just a smaller iPad, and isn’t the new iPad great enough as it is? Seriously dude.
Now I will take a shower and wash all the nastyness of me.
early morning zombie, being bathroom-narcissistic in my university
So one thing I wasn’t prepared for when I started to study medicine, was all the goddamn parties. If my liver could talk, it would ask me to go fuck myself pretty heavily. Sorry liver, it wasn’t my intention to mess you up like a used-up hooker.
With that said, this past time have been so crazy, that my brain cells are suffering from permanent damages. I had millions, now I have none. It’s scary, huh? One day, hopefully, I’m a doctor and you will be my patient. If you knew how fucked medicine students are, you would just handle your operation on the kitchen table instead. I really don’t get how you can stay sane studying this extremely difficult education with extremely intakes of alcohol every week. Let’s see if I become a doctor before my body shuts down on me.
Another thing I wasn’t prepared for either was how insanely stupid I actually am. Like really godawful-braindead-american-cheerleader-movie stupid. I don’t and haven’t understood a shit of what I have been reading the past 2 months, and it seems to get worse. Everybody keeps telling me it will come, like a sun on a cloudy sky (or something) one ugly-turns-beautiful day. I keep telling them there are more full of shit than I am, but still they somehow believe in me or quite frankly just feel sorry for me. I haven’t quite figured that out yet.
But they say hard work pays off. If studying from 7 in the morning to 7 in the evening isn’t hard work, I will become a prostitute. Easy and fast earning money as well. Win-win.
Maybe I should stop rambling and go to bed. I’m looking 10 years older, my tits are hanging on my shoes, my skin is going through puberty again, my ass is softer than two pillows and I’m getting fat. And even though that are some shitty things studying medicine does to my body – ALREADY – I’m still in love with every single, fat-adding-to-my-body-and-ass day.
Hi you stupid blog.
Through many shitty moments, bitchin’ about life and past screw-ups, I always seem to find my way back to you. I don’t know why, but you have become the only one I can depend on in the end. Everybody is busy with their egos, masturbating others on their path to a carrier and what-not, and I’m just here. Wanking no one and 2-days ahead in school, therefore resulting in too much time to emo. The past 2 months my zombie-friendly shit of a soul has become a fragile crying-to-movies-and-playing-with-babies 16 year old hormone fucked teenager, and nobody wants to deal with that. People liked the bitch cold me, apparently. A girl, who did not give a damn about anyone but herself, buying dresses and writing blogs, that scared every single pussy-out boy away. Wondering if I should bring her back again… just for the hell of it, and the fun. AND THE BOOZE! AND NOT TO FORGET: THE ZIGGIES!
That’s all I had to say to you, my fucking blog.
See you. Hopefully not.
Maybe you should have worked on being the perfect man for me, asshole? Have you ever thought like that instead of chasing this unrealistic, pathetic dream of how your ideal woman should be?
So you think you have to work on yourself until you achieve the final state of “good man” and then your price will be the girl of your dreams, standing in line in a grocery shop with coconut oil and mango in her hands? No, you stupid fool. You met the perfect woman already and she was right at your door. The most unbelievable great, smart, beautiful woman you could ever meet in this fucked up western world with fucked up western needs. You were so unbelievably lucky that you met her while you still were the most imperfect, ungrateful man you can be. You are just that lucky, mate. And even though this perfect woman deserves better than you, you should have fought for her. This fight would have made you perfect, would have made you complete. But instead you chose the easy way out again. You chose your uncertainty, which in the end will do noting for you than bring you down.
You chose to be incomplete and alone. Now: go fuck yourself with everyone else.